The Dyspeptic Tank
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Ah, there--dry those tears! It's time to embrace our bold Darwinian future. Of course, I'm not referring to the Satanic heresy which states that man is descended from J. Fred Muggs (though that would certainly account for our roller-skating gene). No, I mean Social Darwinism ("Compassionate Conservatism") which even Christians condone wholeheartedly. It's all about Survival of the Fittest, and "weeding out" those made of inferior stuff--basic traditional American values.
One thing we have to discard immediately is the sentimental notion of "fairness"--i.e., that we are all entitled to a decent life by simply working for it. Fiddlesticks! What the true Masters of the Universe already know is that you get what you want by taking it. The truly fit are not troubled by such scruples as law or morality.
Some will deem such behavior "criminal"--but it is only criminal if you are caught and prosecuted. Otherwise, it is justly celebrated. After all, they don't call the lion the criminal of the jungle. The lion is king, and always gets the lion's share.
And those nagging for universal health care should remember that it is not compassion to coddle the botched. If God had wanted such types to survive and prosper, He wouldn't have given them diseases. Their very existence is a drain on the ecomony, which is important above all else.
Speaking of drains on the economy, "Social Security" is neither. That money is better used by those bold enough to grab it. If you worked your whole life paying into the system expecting to be taken care of in your old age, then the joke is on you. And if your pension fund is raided by your natural masters, get over it. You haven't got that much longer to live, anyway. So what's the big deal?
If you are unfortunate enough to have children, you can't go far wrong by teaching them to steal--and to steal big. Prisons are full of petty thieves. Filching a candy bar is pathetic, and is an offense punished chiefly for its vulgarity. But swiping a hundred million dollars is admirable--and walking off with a whole country is heroic. (No? Then consider just who our national heroes are.)
If you teach your children well, perhaps they will cut you in on some of the swag. At the very least they should find you a nice roomy ice floe so you can drift out to sea in relative comfort. Bon voyage!
¶ 9:35 PM 0 comments
