My experience at St. Lizzie Borden's was not at all bad except for the 500 or so laser shots I received in my right eye. My regular eye doctor did the procedure, and since he knows what he's doing, I sailed through it, more or less. In fact, the doctor and his assisting nurse remarked on my "stoicism"--yeah, sure it was weird and painful, but I got most of my bitching out of the way before arriving at St. Lizzie's. It felt like someone was trying to shoot holes through the back of my head (via my cornea) with Flash Gordon's ray gun, or like having a tooth drilled (under novocaine) except it was my eye. Naw, I didn't complain. It's the British in me--stiff upper lip, and all that. (My inner Polack was screaming like a sonofabitch.) I felt woozy afterward, and still have the vestiges of a headache. And, just think--only two more sessions to go! Hot damn!

BUT, OH MY BROTHERS! What joy I have to relate, in contrast to this former item. I met the shipment of the elusive SARANAC PILSENER, and have FILLED MY PANTRY THEREWITH! That's right--there's PILSENER IN THE HOUSE TONIGHT! (And, Boy, do I need it now!) The Discount Beverage man having tipped me off in advance, I was able to swoop down and procure 11 cases--264 bottles--of the Golden Nectar for my personal delectation! At this writing, 11 more cases remain in stock--and we may buy more. But at this moment, I am in direct possession of more Saranac Pilsener than anyone else in the United States of America! I am the real, the only PILSENERMAN, able to drink long into the night with a single beverage! This time I mean it--HOT DAMN!