Now that I am through with my laser treatments and other medical distractions, it is time for me to declare war on stupidity--in particular, the brand of idiocy exhibited by my middle-aged friends who seem actually immune to common sense. Susan and I have been handholding one such chum who, through extreme denseness, manages to sabotage every potential relationship that falls into his lap. He spent months pulling a Prince Hamlet number wondering whether he was attracted to one particular young girl (about half his age) and was on the point of declaring his interest in her last weekend. Unfortunately, he decided to invite a few other people over to his apartment at the same time, including one not very pleasant young woman who overstayed her welcome and forced her way into his bedroom as the real object of his affections lay asleep on the couch. This would not have been so bad if this interloper had not taken the contraceptive device they shared and placed it in the middle of the kitchen floor the next morning as a crude way of marking her territory. My big dumb friend tried to distract the girl of his preference with some clumsy situation comedy manoeuvers, but to no avail. She left in tears--and the big lug had HER drive the Trojan Horsewoman home. Susan and I were supposed to have dinner with the friend and this girl, but she was (obviously) not having any of it. I urged him to call the girl and say that something like, "We really need to talk." He called her and said, "Hey, come on over! Plenty of food! Chili! Chili! Beer! Beer!" So much for romance.

So, how do you fight stupidity that profound? Unless my friend manages to grow up and smarten up, he will just wind up as an increasingly lonely, weird old man. He's 43 now and already visiting neighboring planets, and I don't see him improving any time soon. (His apartment is crammed with his own surreal artwork consisting of glass eyes stuck on otherwise commonplace objects, which are arranged in disturbing juxtaposition. He makes Joseph Cornell look like Norman Rockwell.) I really don't have time for this horseshit, but I can't seem to look away. It's like a bloody train wreck--except that my friend doesn't seem to feel a thing.